Cookies
by Lily Lindsey-Aubery
Summary: The Avengers attempt to make cookies. But Earth's mightiest heroes might just need some help. A silly short story about our heroes. Please read and review.


Disclaimer: I am not marvel. I don't own the Avengers. Boohoo, it's so sad, but true.

* * *

'Sir, the telephone,' said Jarvis. 'Agent Romanoff on the line.'

Stark picked up his cell phone. 'Hello?'

'Tony,' said a familiar voice. 'I have a favour to ask of you.'

'Uh oh,' Stark thought. He remembered the last time he had done her a favour; he had let her borrow his car. It had returned with lots of scratches and dents, a strange smell of sweet peas that didn't go away for weeks, and a solitary purple high heeled shoe sitting on the back seat. 'What?' he asked.

'Um, you know,' said Natasha. 'My apartment doesn't have a kitchen.'

'So?'

'Can I borrow yours? I wanted to bake some cookies. . .'

The frown disappeared from Tony's face. 'Oh, sure,' he replied. 'Come over any time. See you.' He hung up.

'Let's have a party!'

* * *

Natasha arrived at Stark tower and hopped out of her convertible. She grabbed her purse and leather jacket from the passenger seat and went inside.

'Hello,' she said, leaving the elevator, and then stopped. 'Oh dear.'

There on the couch were all the Avengers, watching rugby.

'Hey, Tasha,' Clint Barton called to her, 'thanks for coming to make us cookies.'

'Yeah,' said Rogers, who was eating popcorn.

Dr. Banner didn't say anything; in fact, he didn't even notice her entrance. He was too distracted by seeing his favourite team getting beaten. He made a noise not unlike a primal roar.

'Don't smash my big-screen,' Stark told him.

'Hey, um, Tony,' said Natasha in an undertone. 'I hope you have lots of ingredients. I'm gonna have to, like, quadruple the recipe.'

'Oh, sure,' said Stark. 'And if you run out, Steve will go to the grocery store for you.'

Steve, too nice as always, said 'Oh, yes, of course.'

Natasha went to the kitchen to start working on the cookies. 'Hey, Stark, where's the vanilla?'

'I don't know,' he called back. 'Jarvis?'

'I do not believe we have vanilla,' said Jarvis.

'Steve? You're up,' observed Tony. Steve reluctantly left. The game was at an exciting part.

'By the way,' said Clint, 'What kind of cookies are you making?'

'Oatmeal chocolate chip,' she responded promptly.

'Why not oatmeal raisin?' said Bruce, who had just then noticed her presence.

'I don't like raisins,' she answered.

'You should make triple chocolate,' said Thor.

'What?' exclaimed Stark. 'Some people just want to die on chocolate overdose. I say good old standby, chocolate chip.'

'I personally prefer mint chocolate sandwich cookies,' said Jarvis.

'More chocolate overdose!' exclaimed Tony. 'Jarvis!'

'Nope,' said Tasha. 'Oatmeal chocolate chip. I'm making them, so I get to choose.'

'Wait a minute,' said Tony, 'if you notice, this is my tower, like, literally.'

'You people are so petty,' said Thor. 'I could bash you all to jelly if I chose. You had better make triple chocolate.'

'No you couldn't,' interrupted Banner, standing up. 'You know, I could just get angry.'

'And I could turn off the electricity in the tower,' said Jarvis.

'Jarvis!' Tony yelled.

'Hey,' said Clint, 'I'm your crush, so you should, like, humour me.'

'Not on your life,' she said.

'Wow, what a nice girlfriend.'

'Clint? We're through!' Natasha yelled. 'You can take back your picture. I don't care!' She flopped onto the couch and burst into tears.

Bruce picked up the picture she had thrown on the counter. It depicted Barton as a child, standing next to a giant Mickey Mouse.

'Um, I'll just take that,' said Clint, snatching it away hastily.

'So I guess. . .' said Thor.

'Chocolate chip,' Tony insisted.

Natasha came back to the counter, sniffling. 'We'll draw straws,' she said. 'Longest one wins.'

'What about me?' asked Jarvis.

'You don't count. You had a stupid suggestion anyway,' said Stark.

'This will be easy,' said Thor. 'I'll just take them all.'

'Cheat,' said Barton.

'Take one,' said Natasha. Thor chose the one sticking out the most. It was very short.

Clint laughed. 'Stupid,' he said. He chose the straw that stuck out the least. It was even shorter. Thor chuckled maniacally.

Bruce chose his randomly. It was longer than either of the others. 'Ha,' he said.

Then Stark chose. 'You guys need a better strategy,' he said, pulling his straw out very slowly. 'There's an art to this, you know.'

Natasha had the one that was left. They all compared the straws.

'You cheated!' yelled Natasha, pointing at Stark.

'Yes, he did!' agreed Clint. 'I saw him scratch his ear while he chose.'

'Okay, we're friends again,' Natasha whispered to him.

'Hey, what about Steve?' Bruce asked. 'He didn't choose.'

'Here's your vanilla,' said Steve, walking out of the elevator. 'Man, the crowds were bad. Everyone wanting an autograph, everyone wanting a picture, yeesh! It was insane.'

'Maybe if you didn't go out in your spangly outfit people wouldn't bother you so much,' advised Stark. 'Anyway,' he continued, turning back to the others, 'I won. Chocolate chip.'

'What on earth?' exclaimed Rogers, 'I was hoping all this time for triple chocolate!'

'Hahahhah!' said Thor. 'Two against one!'

'Um, how are we one?' asked Natasha.

'Okay, okay, guys,' said Stark, 'chocolate chip, or everyone out of my tower. That's final.'

That decided it. Steve didn't argue; he didn't want to go out and brave the crowds again just yet. Clint didn't argue; he still hadn't asked Natasha to go on a date with him tonight. Bruce didn't argue; he wanted to see the end of the rugby match. Thor didn't argue; he was too lazy.

Natasha didn't argue because she needed a sugar fix. So she scrambled around the kitchen and began to make the cookies.

'How does this work, Jarvis?' she asked.

'What?'

'It's called a "food mixer and stir-er. Warning: do not use for the other purpose." What other purpose?'

'I'm sorry, Miss Romanoff, but I was not programmed to have a Japanese mind,' Jarvis replied.*

'Oh, for goodness' sake, I'll have to stir it by hand,' said she. And she tried. But unfortunately the dough was quite stiff, and Natasha Romanoff, though strong, was having quite a bit of trouble. And besides, there is nothing more irritating than to be working your fingers to the bone when a bunch of big, strong, healthy men are lazing off on the couch drinking coke.

'Hey, you guys aren't doing anything,' she called. 'Come give me a hand.'

'What do you mean we're not doing anything?' said Thor. 'We're watching TV.'

Natasha humphed in exasperation. Then she got an idea.

'I guess none of you guys are strong enough, anyway,' she said slyly. 'I'll have to call Coulson. Or Loki. That's it, I'll call Loki.'

Up jumped Barton. 'Since when did you start calling Loki by his first name?'

Up jumped Bruce. 'Loki is a puny god!'

Up jumped Rogers. 'Hey, I'm the super soldier here!'

Up jumped Thor. 'Loki is experiencing Asgardian justice!'

Up jumped Stark. 'What are you doing in my tower?' he yelled.

There as a short silence. 'Me?' said Thor, who had a guilt complex.

'No, him!' said Tony. He pointed.

At Loki, who was leaning nonchalantly against the counter top.

'I thought I heard someone needed a strong person,' Loki explained.

'Ahh!' screamed Natasha.

'Out of the way, little bwotha,' said Thor, pushing him aside. 'I'll take care of this cookie dough.' He held out his hand.

'Nooo!' cried Tony. Too late. The hammer smashed through his wall. 'Dude!' he said.

Thor brought the hammer down upon the dough. 'Wow! What did you put in this dough?' he wondered, trying to pull his hammer back out.

'I hope that was clean,' said Natasha.

Thankfully, after a great while, Thor was able to remove his hammer. But by this time he was breathless, and couldn't argue when Captain America pushed forward. 'Ma'am, I'll have this dough stirred for you in no time.' He grabbed a wooden spoon from the counter and stuck it in.

'Oh my goodness!' he wailed, tugging with all his might, 'did you get an ingredient wrong here?' Just then the spoon broke.

'Excuse me,' said Stark, who somehow had donned his suit when no one was paying attention, 'let's do this properly.' Tony got a metal spoon. After a great while be collapsed on the floor with a bowl of cookie dough in his lap and a bent spoon in his hand.

'Let me try!' said Clint.

'No, Clint,' pleaded Natasha. 'You'll hurt yourself. This is nothing we were ever trained for.'

'It looks like now is a good time to get angry,' said Steve to Bruce.

Bruce took off his glasses and examined the cookie dough. 'I think you've got a wrong ingredient in here,' he said to Natasha finally.

'You guys know nothing about cooking,' she sniffed.

'Ahem.' Loki cleared his throat. He aimed his spear at the bowl, which Dr. Banner hasty dropped.

Bwangers! A bolt of blue flashed through the room. It hit the dough spot on. . .and bounced off.

'Beard of Thor!' Loki cursed.

Natasha sat down on the floor and moaned. 'I need a sugar fix!' she cried, pulling out her hair.

Out of the elevator stepped Coulson.

He paused a moment, looking at the strange scene before him.

'Hey, anyone want to go out for ice cream?' he asked.

* * *

Tony Stark, Thor, Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Loki, Phil Coulson, Natasha Romanoff, and Bruce Banner sat in an ice cream parlour, eating happily. (That's right; they didn't bring Jarvis.)

Moral: If you can't agree on cookie flavours, get ice cream.

* * *

*This is not racism. I'm part Japanese myself. So this is just a jab at silly product labels and silly translators. :)

Now, go and review. AND: Visit my profile, and you'll see at the top a poll: Who is the best Superhero? Please vote! I love voters as much as reviewers! So if you do both. . .I send you loads of virtual. . .COOKIES! :P

P.S.: There is now a sequel: Jarvis' Revenge. Warning: it's even more crazy than this one. Please read it and review.


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